Blog - 11/20/10 - Moonwalk Speech Given at Bradley and Allison's Wedding
I’m going to give you a moonwalk speech. For those of you who are not familiar with moonwalks, the way it’s done is to wait for the sun to go down, then round up as many kids as you can find (and some adults), arm them with flashlights and headlamps, and go into the woods. When you’re in the middle of the woods, away from the lights and noises of civilization, everyone points their flashlight on one person and that person gives a moonwalk speech. I usually try to give moonwalk speeches that talk about some nugget of wisdom that I picked up along the way, some universal truth.
Tonight’s moonwalk speech is going to be about sex. Just kidding, actually, it’s going to be about coping with adversity. Adversity, as it relates to marriage, can be broken into two types 1) internal adversity between a husband and wife, and 2) external adversity between the husband and wife team, and the outside world.
When I compare the married life to the single life, one difference jumps out at me. The single life is more manageable. Things tend to be easier and more peaceful because you don’t have to reach a consensus with anyone on the decisions that you make (and that’s not to be under-rated). The truth about marriage is that marriage magnifies your emotional experience. It magnifies both your positive emotions and your negative emotions. Marriage enhances positive emotions like joy and inspiration, but it also brings you to new levels of misery that you had no idea could be possible.
When you’re experiencing internal adversity in the form of intense misery with your partner or because of your partner, I call this the “marital misery moment” or just “the misery moment” for short. The universal truth that I want to share with you tonight is that all married couples experience the misery moment. The misery moment is usually accompanied by feelings of irritation and frustration. The common way of dealing with the misery moment is to let anger take over and tap into the conveyor belt of accusations, insult slinging and rationalizations which only serves to prolong the misery moment. The misery moment is when your marriage is tested. The misery moment is when you have to hang in there.
But the misery moment is also a chance to see something about yourself that may be uncomfortable, it may be distasteful, it may even be extremely painful, but you can use your partner to help you bear it. Some marriages can actually convert a misery moment into an opportunity to work as a team and deal with responsibilities, problems or difficulties in a calm manner.
Skillfully dealing with misery moments turns the partner that you have been fighting with into an ally who will help you cope with external adversity. Competently dealing with misery moments generates more time to enjoy the magnified positive emotions of joy and inspiration associated with married life. Love between a husband and wife is only as good as the work that you put into it. The old saying is true, No Pain, No Gain.